Why do people treat me badly? Why I am being treated badly or being blocked from being treated well. Why people are treating me badly.

Hello... I have such a problem: I can't be in society, among people. This causes me discomfort, fear, and it seems to me that everyone evaluates me from the outside. I never had friends, girlfriends. It's the same at school. Everyone avoids communicating with me, because I seem boring, taciturn and strange. I went to a psychologist, but he said it's just adolescence and everything will pass. Nothing goes by that I don't do.
I don't think it's normal for what's happening to me. It seems to me that everyone treats me with contempt, they don't even want to see me. I realize that these are just my unreasonable thoughts, but I can't do anything about them.
I feel bad ... My self-esteem has fallen below the baseboard, I have a lot of complexes. I have hobbies, but they do not concern communication with people and being in society. All day long I can sit at home and read, or watch movies, or sometimes draw. It instantly relieves me of the stress that I get every day during school, on the street, among people.
Help what can be done. I can not take it anymore...
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Alice, age: 15 / 28.02.2016

Responses:

Alice, it's actually very good that you understand that everything happens only in your head, and not around you. This means that you yourself can change all this. Conquer your fears. Search the Internet for articles, literature on this topic. You will also find many useful articles on this site.
Your problems are largely due to the fact that you do not accept yourself, do not like yourself. Think about who you are, how strong you are, good qualities. Try to make a list of them, and then reread it every day and add something to it. You'll see, it gets easier.
And the people around - they are the same as you, they have the same fears, pain, problems, joys. Start to slowly communicate with people you like, and you will understand that there is nothing difficult or scary in this. The ability to communicate is like a muscle that weakens without training. But to train it in your power, like any other muscle in your body.
I know you will succeed. I myself was the same. Most importantly, believe in yourself and that you deserve to be the heroine yourself. the best book! Happiness to you, good luck, love, kindness!

Maria, age: 02/27/2016

Alice, hello!
There is nothing terrible here, it’s just that there are extrovert people who need communication, and there are introvert people who, as it were, “discharge” from communication and look for “feeding” in solitude, reflection, reading, etc. Read about introverts, I'm sure you'll recognize yourself in their description! Therefore, it is necessary to proceed from the characteristics of your personality, and not adapt to those around you. When you choose a profession, look for one that focuses more on books, art, photography, reports, texts (you need something creative and not to have excessive communication).
If you are comfortable being alone, then spend time alone with yourself. If you really feel that you need friends, but preferably similar to you, then look for such friends on the Internet or sign up for different circles (literary club, drawing, etc.), and there you will find friends of interest. Or look for some loner at school, some closed and unsociable classmate, and try to be the first to offer him friendship. What if he is also looking for a friend, but is afraid to take the first step out of fear?
Good luck, you are smart!

Oksana, age: 02/28/2016

Hello Alice. To make it easier to get along with people, you need to become more open, friendlier, smile more often, say pleasant things, compliments, be able to interest the interlocutor. A good opportunity to try your hand is to go out for a walk with a child, maybe you have a little brother / sister / nephew ?! Just go to the playground where mothers work with children, do not be afraid if the girls are 4-6 years older than you. Young mothers get tired of worries and monotony, they want to chat, discuss something, and you could become an excellent companion. Another option is to communicate on the Internet. In any case, Alice, with age you will become more confident, more experienced, study, work, the need to visit shops, markets, clinics, etc. help you loosen up. And even more so when a husband and children appear. Therefore, there is no need to panic. Go to college or university, try to show yourself a little different - not sad and thoughtful, but active, cheerful, so from the first days you can make friends with someone. Good luck to you!

Irina, age: 02/28/2016

Hey!
What is happening to you simply means that you are a pronounced introvert. So do I. In general, we are such a quarter of the entire population of the Earth. Maybe you just have such an age that for the first time you began to realize and experience it: the desire to get out of the control of your parents and start an independent life, but it turns out very difficult. I also remember such a period in my life, only I lived in the village, so I often went for a walk in the forest for the whole day and dreamed about something there. It also seemed that there was nothing in common with old friends, and there was nowhere to get new ones in the village. It was hard next to people, but in the forest it was beautiful and calm.
We are not always understood by others (because they are extroverts, and they are the majority). We really understand each other, only it is more difficult for us to find each other, because we feel best doing what we love, and not communicating with people. But we are diligent and persistent, we can do what we like for hours, so we often achieve great success.
We don't have many friends (I, for example, for a long time thought that I have no friends, and now I will call only two or three people my friends), but our friendship is usually strong, we trust friends as ourselves and can sit for hours and talk about secrets that no one else will understand.
Wait a few years and you will see that you will be respected for your erudition and ability to draw, for the fact that you really value true friendship, and do not scatter your attention in all directions.

Pavel, age: 03/23/2016

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Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “Why are they doing this to me?” when someone (stranger, friend or family member) treats you inappropriately? Surely you would like to know why he behaves this way. Try to understand the reason for this behavior by observing the person and also asking friends for advice. Then you can talk openly and honestly with this person to find out why he behaves so badly towards you. Finally, learn to limit your interactions with people who upset or offend you.

Steps

Part 1

Rate his behavior

Write down what it is about this person's behavior that upsets you so much. To understand what underlies a person’s bad attitude towards you, you need to understand exactly what is happening in general. Reflect on how the person treats you. What is it about his behavior that confuses you? Try to clearly and clearly define all the details and moments of his behavior.

• Write down all the details of his behavior that you managed to notice. For example, perhaps this person ignores you whenever you contact him. Write down exactly what happened.

1. Put yourself in his place. Think about possible reasons for this behavior. Yes, you can't read minds, but you're quite capable of imagining yourself in the same situation and then understanding what makes that person behave the way they do.

   Watch how this person communicates with other people. Try to understand his behavior by paying attention to how he behaves with others. Try to find details in his behavior that confirm his attitude towards you or contradict him. If he behaves with others in almost the same way as with you, then it's definitely not about you. If he treats others differently than he treats you, most likely it is a matter of personal hostility.

   Get the opinion of someone you know. Perhaps you take everything too personally; in this case, the opinion of a person who is not involved in this situation will help you. Talk to someone who knows this person and get their opinion on the matter.

   • You can say: “Listen, I noticed that Regina became somehow rude in Lately. Don't you think so?

2. Decide if you want to let go of this situation. Analyze everything that you have learned from your observations and the opinions of others, and then think about how to proceed. If you think the person is behaving this way because they have been through a difficult situation, it's probably best to just ignore the behavior and hope things get better over time.

   • But if you cannot find a precise and clear explanation for this behavior, if you suspect that the person is specifically trying to offend you, it is most likely worth choosing a tactic to fight.
   • You may have to decide for yourself how important this person is to you, and whether you can let go of this situation just like that.

3. Keep your distance from this person. If the person continues to disrespect you, move away from them or end the relationship altogether. This will be a signal that you consider his behavior as unacceptable and are not going to put up with it.

   • If the person asks why you distanced yourself from them, simply say, "I did this for my own peace of mind because you don't treat me the way I deserve and expect from you."

4. Show people how you should be treated. The way you treat yourself is a signal to others how to treat you. Show your acquaintances, friends and relatives how they should behave towards you by setting a standard of behavior for yourself first of all.

   Treat others with respect. Treat others with due consideration and kindness so that you will be treated the same way. Talk about others only in a positive way, do not gossip or judge others. Show respect to other people and they will respect you.

When it comes to, we often find ourselves unprepared for them. A lot of the problem is that we're okay with certain habits that corrode mutual affection.

Here are six signs of an unhealthy relationship. They are familiar, but fraught with danger.

1. The game "Who screwed up the most"

What is it. Partners remember each other's past mistakes and keep a virtual score. If the couple cannot move to the next stage, then the relationship turns into endless game"Who screwed up the most." Relationships like this can be a real pain in the ass.

Why is that bad. Scoring and constantly remembering the mistakes of the past leads to dissatisfaction and attempts to make the partner more guilty, instead of solving the problem that has arisen.

What to do. Stop remembering your partner's past mistakes. Forget about scoring. It doesn't matter if your partner failed three years ago. Each person is the sum of past deeds, so accept him as he is.

What is it. Instead of openly talking about their desires and problems, the partner, as it were, pushes you to the desired decision and secretly takes revenge on you.

Why is that bad. This shows that you are closed with a partner. There is no excuse for passive-aggressive behavior that creates insecurity and a false sense of security.

What to do. Be open about your concerns and desires. And you will understand that your partner will support you.

3. Emotional blackmail

What is it. One of the partners, complaining about the behavior of the other, threatens. Instead of saying, "I don't think you care about me," they say, "I can't date someone who doesn't have feelings for me."

Why is that bad. This is emotional blackmail, and it creates a ton of unnecessary problems. Every little quarrel swells to the size of an elephant. It is important for partners to feel that they can express their dissatisfaction without damaging the relationship as such. Otherwise, people suppress their feelings, which leads to distrust and manipulation.

What to do. Worry about relationship problems wonderful. This means that you normal Human. But it is important to understand that attachment to a person and love are two different things. Partners who can discuss problems calmly without blackmail or reproaches strengthen relationships.

4. Blaming your partner for your own experiences

What is it. Let's say you had a lousy day. The only thing you want is to return home as soon as possible. At such moments, it is important not to take out your bad mood on your partner. It's not his fault that things are so bad.

Why is that bad. Blame your partner for your own negative emotions- this is a subtle form of selfishness and a classic example of the inability to separate the personal from the general. When you blame your partner for your own bad feelings, you set a precedent: now you and your partner will have associations between bad mood and the actions of the second half, although they are not connected in any way. The life of one of the partners begins to revolve around the mood of the other.

What to do with it. Take responsibility for your emotions. Remember, when people feel guilty, it gives them an incentive to hide their feelings and manipulate each other.

5. Unhealthy jealousy

What is it. You are annoyed that your partner communicates a lot with another person. You become suspicious and try to control your partner's social circle: check his phone, mail, social networks.

Why is that bad. Some people think that absence is a sign of indifference. But in fact, the jealous creates huge problem. He humiliates a partner, destroys trusting relationships.

What to do. Trust your partner. Trite, but there is no other way. It's natural to be a little jealous. But don't overdo it. Don't humiliate your partner. You have to deal with bouts of jealousy.

6. Shopping and gifts as a solution to problems

What is it. After a major quarrel, many couples do not understand the problems, but try to forget about them with the help of shopping or expensive gifts.

Why is that bad. This not only pushes the problems in the relationship into the background, but also introduces commercialism. What happens if a guy takes a girl to a restaurant after every wrongdoing? This will give her an incentive to constantly make her partner feel guilty. The result is an irresponsible relationship, a constantly offended girl and a guy who feels like an ATM.

What to do. Solve problems in . Has trust been broken? Talk about it. Does anyone feel underappreciated? Listen to your partner, take action. Make contact. Gifts cannot restore trust and a healthy atmosphere. Give gifts not because everything is bad, but because all right. Do not hide your problems with them.

You began to ask yourself the question why they treat me badly, everyone turned away from me? Let's try to figure this out together. If this has already happened, it may be worth looking for the reason for such behavior of others in oneself and trying to understand why it happened and draw the appropriate conclusions from the current situation.
There can be quite a lot of reasons for people to treat you badly, all friends and acquaintances turned away from you. Maybe you have become arrogant or too capricious, demanding or not frank. Or maybe the reason for this attitude towards your person lies in your slovenliness.

Take a closer look at yourself, maybe you have become sloppy and the people around you have become rather unpleasant and not interested in communicating with you and they have turned away from you. First of all, you need to put things in order not only in your head in your thoughts and actions, but also in your apartment, at your workplace, and so on. A high probability that others around you have begun to treat you badly is your sloppiness. I bring to your attention that it is easier for many to turn away from you than to reprimand you for your inaccuracy. Just imagine, your friends come to visit you and face the clutter of your apartment. What impression do they have of you?

In order to create a good impression of yourself, pay attention to the cleanliness of your apartment, your workplace and, ultimately, to yourself. If you are a sloppy person, you are likely to be treated badly by the people around you. So let's start by cleaning your apartment. Unnecessary things, rubbish, everything that prevents you from living and feeling great needs to be taken out and thrown into a landfill. Do not be afraid to live with the times, experiment, change the environment and the things around you more often.

After all, old things often carry a lot of negativity and you don’t need to accumulate this rubbish in the apartment, but get rid of it in a timely manner. And our staff will be happy to help you do it. And in a short period of time they will help to put things in order in the apartment - this is to take out excess furniture and things. You need to live comfortably yourself and try to make it so that others would be pleased to be near you. Love and respect yourself first of all and you will see how people close and dear to you will appreciate you. Do not be closed, never despair and try to ask those people who turned away from you, why did they do it? Maybe they will sincerely and honestly answer your question and you will easily be able to regain the good attitude of your relatives and friends. If you know the reason why acquaintances turned away from you and friends began to treat you badly, immediately try to solve it. In no case do not lose heart and do not try to blame someone other than yourself for the situation. There are no unsolvable problems, only the unwillingness to solve them. Be confident in yourself and you will be fine!

Olga Yurkovskaya especially for LISA.RU Women's Magazine

Almost every one of us has friends and relatives in the environment, communication with which imperceptibly poisons life. It could be a close friend, a colleague, or even a mother. How to stop toxic communication and get out of harmful relationships without unnecessary losses, says psychologist Olga Yurkovskaya.

Why do adults believe that other people must necessarily be reasonable, good and kind towards them?

After all, this, in general, contradicts both reality, and life observations, and ordinary biology.

It is natural for biological beings, to which humans also belong, to experience aggression towards each other. Nature is interested in the fact that the population settled as widely as possible, and the only way to achieve this is intraspecific aggression.

Many people have basic feelings towards each other - hatred and fear. Two strangers in the same territory with almost a 100% guarantee will begin to experience aggression towards each other. This is if we are talking about biology.

Therefore, it is not unusual that most people will treat you, to put it mildly, unkindly. Perhaps with aggression, with hatred, with envy, with irritation, with anxiety, with fear.

In our current society, this attitude has been exacerbated by the special mentality of an endangered species.” Soviet people". The very ones who will never show direct aggression in front of a stronger and more influential one, because it’s scary, but who will definitely kick the defenseless or weak.

And hence all these problems with elderly relatives, with colleagues, with people who have received even the slightest power over you and include the “watchman syndrome”.

Here, for example, I have a sign hanging over the table with the inscription “People are different. The world doesn't have to be comfortable." When I encounter inadequacy, I read these two wise thoughts. And immediately it becomes easier to live.

Imagine for a moment that it is not the man who is acting, but the weather. Let's say something happened that you didn't expect. Rain is coming. Will you worry, stay awake at night, mentally read angry monologues to the rain? Unlikely. Most likely, you just think about how to make yourself as comfortable as possible. Take an umbrella, maybe call a taxi. Or reschedule the meeting for another day.

This is a reasonable approach. It also works in relation to inadequate people. Yes, there is such a character, and nothing can be done about it. Think about how you can make yourself as comfortable as possible, despite his attempts to achieve the opposite. With this approach, feelings disappear: “Oh, why did he do this to me?” Entered and acted, and you went further.

You yourself understand that normal educated people can't communicate like that. And from inadequate people, in an amicable way, it is necessary to get rid of.

Signs of toxic people

We all have such “friends” in our environment who are actually more like enemies. They say nasty things, accuse, manipulate, hinder the achievement of important goals ... At the same time, for some reason they are sure that they are carrying the so-called "truth", that they are great.

No, if someone speaks the unsolicited truth, then this is a collision with the boundaries of another person. This is direct aggression. This is his attempt to assert himself at your expense.

Look carefully around. Who draws energy from you and spoils your mood, without giving you any gratitude, joy, or a kind word in return? Very often these are relatives of the husband or their elderly relatives.

For example, the situation: a relative is ill and needs care. You can help by paying for a professional babysitter, but you don't have to personally endure the intolerable temperament and whims.

Or another example: a husband humiliates his wife, tries to prove to her that she is a fool and that she does not have a career.

This means that this husband is an enemy, he treats you badly, he definitely does not love you, but he is happy to assert himself at your expense. Why live with the enemy in the same family, from the point of view of human happiness, it is not clear to me.

Or a mother who does not miss the opportunity to pin up. We either educate mom, or turn on the “ignore” mode and stop communicating.

We explain to mom that we will not tolerate this. We clearly indicate the punishment: “If you tell me nasty things, we don’t communicate with you for a month, mom. I will give money, but I will not endure the way you humiliate me. I have one life, I want to live it happy. Moms after turning on the ignore mode are very quickly re-educated.

And don't blame yourself for nothing. Mom did not say nasty things to the boss. It means he can control himself. She should be afraid of losing your favor just as much as she was afraid of the reaction of her leader. If she sees your determination, she will behave perfectly. I'm sure - the maximum from the third time. And everything will be very simple in your life: they communicate well with you - make friends, badly - distance yourself.

How to get rid of people who treat you badly

I advise you not to break off relations with one sharp movement. This can cause unnecessary "disassembly" for you. It is enough just to start treating such people as indifferently as possible. Stop broadcasting anything to them. Stone face, complete disregard and no reciprocity.

Stop calling them yourself. Answer their calls immediately: “Sorry, the phone will be discharged any minute, quickly say what you wanted.” If they call on a case, then in a minute they will have time to say all the most necessary, they will not spread for half an hour about all the sores and other gossip. And if the person has nothing to do, then you just need to turn off the connection - and prevent him from stealing your time.

Many are tormented by guilt. But I want to say right away: you are not obliged to communicate with toxic people. You have your own life, your children, your dream, your health. Do not waste these resources on people who treat you badly.

It's their fault that they didn't learn to be nice, to be grateful, they didn't learn to share. It is their own choice - only to vampire and pull all the resources from those around them.

The most interesting thing is that as soon as you make such a decision in your head, in a surprising way, these people themselves begin to disappear from view.

This happened to me with many of my friends from childhood and adolescence. As soon as I appreciated the scale of their envy and stopped thinking about them, they disappeared instantly.

Where to get new ones?

You know, when a person is busy with his business, his dream, people of his level, like-minded people automatically reach out to him. True, it often turns out that even they are not really needed.

An adult no longer has such a teenage desire to have many friends and pour hundreds of hours of time on them.

He always has a choice - to realize his dream at this moment, spend time with his family or spend energy on empty chatter, from which nothing in life will improve.

I am sure that you need to get rid of those with whom you feel bad. If you have kind and devoted friends with whom you like to spend time, you can only be congratulated.