How to stop being childish. How can you get rid of infantilism? differences in emotionally mature people

What is infantilism? In fact, it is a defensive behavior that is regulated by the subconscious.

03.04.2018

Pozharisky I.

Infantilism as a personality trait is found in modern society often. It would seem why it can be convenient for adults to show childish […]

Infantilism as a personality trait is quite common in modern society. It would seem, why might it be convenient for adults to display childish immature behavior? It's all about the emotional component. Sometimes growing up is really painful and scary. Then, unconsciously, a decision is made to “remain a child” until some life circumstances lead out of the state of internal stupor. Sometimes it is necessary to apply a lot of strength and patience in order to cope with personal complexes, to overcome signs of internal trouble. Childish behavior allows you to relieve yourself of responsibility, to shift it onto the shoulders of others. What is infantilism? In fact, it is a defensive behavior that is regulated by the subconscious. A person simply does not want to act, because it is more comfortable for him to exist in a closed framework. Childish behavior expresses unwillingness to make decisions, start a family, get a job, etc.

Causes of infantilism

To understand the essence of this concept, you must always refer to the origins of the problem. There is a reason for every person. Sometimes there is a combination of different circumstances. The personality itself does not notice how it begins to degrade. The thing is that a protective mechanism is triggered, which often does not make it possible to realize the existence of a problem.

Wrong upbringing

Infantilism develops where parents do not pay enough attention to the child, or indulge in permissiveness. In either case small man does not have the opportunity to assert itself in its own independence. He has to constantly prove that he has the right to personal space and his own desires. But not everyone manages to defend their individuality. Improper upbringing affects the desire to act independently, to make responsible decisions. A person, being in such conditions, ceases to believe in his own prospects. Upbringing has a strong influence on self-esteem, on the opportunities that ultimately open up before us.

Overprotection

When all the whims of a child are immediately satisfied, he cannot realize how difficult certain things in life can be given. Infantilism has high chances to develop if parents somehow sacrifice their own interests for the well-being of their children. Then the child begins to take everything for granted, without thinking at all about how hard material wealth is obtained. Overprotection can do more harm than help. People from a very young age get used to the fact that others do everything for them. That is why it becomes easy and even pleasant to shift responsibility onto other people's shoulders. A bad habit begins to control the consciousness of the individual.

Diffidence

Any psychological problems negatively affect the development of the individual. Closedness, inability to trust, self-doubt teaches the individual to suppress his own desires. On such soil, infantilism develops very quickly. A person is afraid to act and therefore prefers to remain helpless, unhappy and dependent. Getting stuck in the phase of uncertainty is fraught with the fact that the individual will constantly look for excuses for his own inaction. In such a state, the full development of the personality is impossible.

Signs of infantilism

Signs of infantilism cannot be ignored or overlooked. They are clearly evident, especially when a person learns to successfully manipulate his position. Gradually, this behavior becomes a habit, and no one can stop a person.

Fear of making decisions

The very first sign showing that a person remains immature in his adult years. For such people, the moment of maturity is really delayed, because they themselves do not know what they want. Behind infantilism is always the fear of not being up to par. When people doubt themselves too much, sooner or later they lose faith in their own prospects. staying long time in a state of apparent helplessness, a person cannot move forward. Over time, it becomes noticeable that problems are not solved, but only accumulate.

Fear of responsibility

What is infantilism? This is, first of all, the reluctance to grow up, caused by certain circumstances or personal characteristics. Such a person is always dominated by the fear of responsibility. This is a sign that a person will not want to leave his cozy harbor for a long time. The mechanism of internal self-defense in a person is much more developed than one can imagine. If we are afraid to take responsibility, we will come up with a thousand excuses for inaction. Fear of responsibility very often prevents you from being happy, realizing the motives of your own actions and actions.

Inability to show emotions

A striking sign of infantilism is the inability to show emotions. Such a person at the first insult closes and withdraws into himself. He does not understand why everything in his life is not going well. The fear of showing his true feelings makes him refuse deep relationships that could be a source of inspiration and lead to happiness. The emotional sphere is very important for the harmonious development of the personality. Tightness is a sign emotional immaturity. Usually it is quite difficult for such an individual to build warm friendships, not to mention love.

Infantilism in men

In the representatives of the stronger sex, such a character trait as infantilism develops rapidly. If this is facilitated by circumstances, then men quickly form the habit of abdicating all responsibility. And now an adult guy sits for days in front of a computer monitor, playing all kinds of games, chatting for many hours on social networks. Often he does not even realize that something needs to be changed in life. A guy who has fallen into childhood, as a rule, is not popular with girls, who in most cases want to see a reliable and strong shoulder in front of them.

Infantilism in women

The fair sex often hides their infantilism behind a mask of femininity. It seems to them that if they demonstrate their helplessness to others, they will immediately receive all sorts of benefits. Infantilism in women always pursues some goal: to successfully marry, to relieve themselves of unnecessary obligations at work, etc. The girl may not realize it very clearly, but she will build all actions and deeds in accordance with her inner convictions. As a rule, there will be a material dependence on a man. Demonstrating her own weakness, such a lady at all costs strives to receive care and attention.

How to get rid of infantilism

There is no doubt that infantile behavior interferes with a full life. Excessive lack of independence prevents a happy worldview, awareness of enduring values, as traditional family values. The person seems to be trapped in his own pride. How to get rid of dependence on other people? Let's try to understand this difficult issue.

Taking responsibility

Thinking about how to get rid of infantilism, it is imperative to take full responsibility for the events that occur. No one else can do this for you. Each individual must realize the need for personal growth and development. Accepting responsibility means dropping all blame against anyone. A strong personality will always find the strength to cope with depressing circumstances. It must be admitted that infantilism significantly spoils the matter. It has been noticed that the more obstacles a person overcomes, the more self-sufficient he becomes.

Building Trust

This is an important step that cannot be dispensed with if there is a desire to achieve such a state as emotional independence. The reluctance to become an adult can be overcome if you start building trusting relationships with the people around you. This is how there are all chances to feel happy and self-sufficient. The formation of absolute trust will help to establish interpersonal connections, to discover additional resources within oneself. Without trust, it is impossible to build a good relationship with people, act clearly and consistently in the direction of the desired result.

Thus, the problem of infantilism often takes place with improper upbringing. As a result, a person is formed who does not know how to make decisions on his own, but wants to constantly shift all problems onto loved ones. Signs of excessive emotional immaturity are usually visible to others. It will take a lot of effort, time and patience to change an unsatisfactory situation. Fortunately, change is entirely possible. You just need to gain confidence in your abilities and begin to act actively. If you feel that it is difficult for you to cope with the problem on your own, contact the Irakli Pozharisky Psychology Center for advice. Working with a specialist will help you realize missed opportunities, outline ways for effective self-realization.

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Infantilism is a special property of a person's behavior that characterizes him as an immature person, incapable of making thoughtful, balanced decisions. As a rule, such childishness and immaturity are the product of upbringing, and not a failure in the process of maturation of the brain.

An infantile person simply avoids all responsibility - nothing prevents him from "taking life by the tail and changing something in it", but there is no desire for such active actions.

Whereas, infantilism is a pathological condition that implies a delay in the psychological formation of a person for some objective reason. For example, oxygen starvation of the brain during intrauterine fetal formation. The inconsistency of human behavior with age characteristics becomes especially noticeable by the time they enter school. In the future, it only progresses.

Causes

The origins of infantilism, according to experts from different countries dealing with a similar problem should be sought in the childhood years of a person. Of the many reasons they identified, here are a few of the main ones:

• overprotection of parents - the child does not have the opportunity to make independent decisions and learn from his mistakes, he develops a habit of shifting responsibility to other people;
• constant lack of attention and love from close relatives - a situation where the baby is left to himself most of the time, a kind of pedagogical neglect, in adulthood such children seek to compensate for the lost sense of care;
• total control - if children are forced to account for literally every step they take, then, in contrast, they begin to express a kind of protest with their infantile behavior, they say, get what you want, I refuse to take responsibility;
• forced rapid growing up - if the child, due to life circumstances, had to face the need to make important decisions too early, then later he may seek to avoid situations when it is required to make a choice.

Sometimes diseases of the internal organs become a platform for infantilism, for example, when brain cells simply do not have enough energy for full-fledged activity. Or the emerging infantilism in women due to underdevelopment of the ovaries - a deficiency in the production of sex hormones leads to a lag in the maturation of higher nervous activity.

Symptoms

Among the whole variety of symptoms that can describe the behavior of a human infant, the following most characteristic signs of infantility can be distinguished:

• inability and unwillingness to make important decisions, for which you will then have to bear personal responsibility - in situations where you need to urgently solve something, such a person will try to shift the task onto the shoulders of a colleague, relative as much as possible, or let everything take its course;
• unconscious desire for dependency - infantile people can earn good money, but they are not accustomed to serving themselves in everyday life or are simply lazy, trying in every possible way to avoid everyday duties;
• extremely pronounced egocentrism and selfishness - an unfounded belief that the whole world should revolve around them, their requests should be immediately fulfilled, while they themselves will try to find a thousand excuses for their own unfulfilled obligations;
• difficulties in relationships with colleagues, partners, spouses - unwillingness to work on relationships leads to the fact that, in the end, such people remain lonely even in their own family;
• an infantile woman can have fun at some event or party, while her apartment will not be cleaned, and the refrigerator shines with empty shelves;
• frequent job changes - an infantile man justifies himself in every possible way by the fact that they find fault with him too much or force him to work, so they spend their whole lives looking for a job where they would be paid more and demanded less.

People-infants live literally like moths - one day. Often they do not have savings "in reserve". They do not strive for self-improvement, because they are sure that they are already good, everything suits them in themselves.

Types of infantilism

To complete the description of such a disorder as personality immaturity, it should be noted that it can be expressed in various forms. So, psychic infantilism is a slow maturation of a child. There is some delay in the formation of the baby's personality - in the emotional or volitional sphere. These children may show high level logical thinking. They are intellectually very developed and able to serve themselves. However, at the same time, their gaming interests always prevail over educational and cognitive ones.

Physiological infantilism is an excessively slow or disturbed bodily development, resulting in a failure in the formation of higher nervous activity. More often taken for. Only a thorough differential diagnosis by a highly professional specialist puts everything in its place. The reasons for its appearance may be infections transferred by a pregnant woman or oxygen starvation of the fetus. Signs of infantilism in such a child can be combined with the phrase “I want to show myself, but I can’t.”

Psychological infantilism - a person has a completely healthy psyche in a physiological sense, he is fully consistent in development with his age. But they deliberately choose "childish" behavior. For example, because of the transferred - as a kind of "protection" from an aggressive external reality. Then the habit of walling off and shifting responsibility for oneself to others becomes the norm of behavior.

Features in men

The bulk of the differences in the manifestation of infantilism among the sexes lies in the social views adopted in a particular society. If you look at the problem from this point of view, then infantilism in men is a sign of their failure as a protector, a “earner”. Such behavior is condemned in most social groups.

You can recognize a male infant by several characteristic features. He has a very close bond with his family, especially his mother. At the same time, the relationship between them can even be conflicting, but they cannot do without each other for a long time.

The parent dominates in such relationships. Therefore, becoming an adult, a male infant does not take any responsibility - for himself, his family. In many situations, he behaves like a child. Infantilism in men quite often manifests itself in avoiding conflicts, the need to solve problems, avoiding reality in fictional relationships, for example, in.

But such a man is the soul of any company. He sincerely rejoices at any holiday and an occasion to have fun. He is always ready to become the organizer of the party, but only if someone else will finance it. He practically does not know how to handle money and earn it.

They can be most clearly manifested in his competition with his own children. He is sincerely offended if the wife pays less attention to him or buys more things not for him, but for the child. Scandals and quarrels in such a family will occur more often if a woman does not learn to find balance in relations with her husband and offspring.

Features in women

Society looks more favorably on infantilism in women. Often such "childishness" is even encouraged - many men are pleased to pamper their chosen one or educate her sometimes. Some husbands assert their ego in this way.

Women, on the other hand, are impressed by the role of dependents - this greatly facilitates their existence in terms of making important decisions. Shifting one's worries onto "strong male shoulders" has long been encouraged and welcomed in European society. However, the realities of our days are such that such behavior sometimes leads to a catastrophe in relations - two infants, colliding, are unable to help each other.

Sometimes they hide behind infantilism - beriberi, chronic fatigue, severe stressful situations lead to the fact that nervous system can't stand it. In an effort to save herself, a woman begins to move away from reality, becoming lethargic, apathetic. After the restoration of the reserves of vitamins and microelements, as well as energy, the representative of the beautiful half of humanity will again be active, bright, cheerful and life-affirming.

If the desire to have fun is the predominant trait of a woman’s character, without a desire to think about the future, to ensure her well-being and comfort on her own, we can talk about psychological infantilism. Encouraging such behavior can result in permissiveness and licentiousness, up to a violation of criminal liability. Punishment and "sobering up" is sometimes too harsh and harsh - serving time in places of deprivation of liberty.

How to get rid of infantilism?

It is quite difficult for an infantile person to realize his problems with decision-making. Few find the strength to fight and take steps to improve their lives - gaining independence. Most often, such people need the help of professional psychologists.

Positive results can be achieved faster if the request for help was undertaken in the early stages of the formation of a personality disorder, in the childhood years of a person's life. Group and individual trainings have proved to be excellent.

To properly organize the process of raising and becoming a child, parents can be recommended:

• consult with children more often, ask their opinion on every important life event for them;
• do not try to artificially create excessively comfortable conditions for the child - learn about all the difficulties, for example, at school, solve them together, and not shoulder the problem only on your own shoulders;
• enroll him in the sports section - this is how responsibility and purposefulness will be formed in him;
• encourage the child to communicate with peers and older people;
• avoid thinking in terms of "we" - dividing yourself and the baby into "I" and "he".

If intellectual decline was provoked by focal ischemia, then you will need qualified help from a neurologist, drug treatment.

How to get rid of infantilism for a man - such issues should be resolved by a specialist on an individual basis. Without awareness of the problem, if he himself is not ready to work on himself, all the steps taken by his parents, wife, colleagues will be ineffective.

Experts can only give recommendations on how to get rid of infantilism in adulthood - to reconsider your life priorities, try to live separately from your parents, find a job that will require decision-making, but without excessive responsibility. You can try step-by-step planning - set quite achievable goals and strive for them.

Each person is the creator of his own destiny, and without internal work on himself it is impossible to achieve the harmonious development of his personality.

Currently, gerontologists have proposed raising adolescence to 25 years. This suggests that our children mature later than their grandparents. Modern children no longer need to think about a piece of bread, like their peers in the days of Jack London, when there were no social services and parental duty in terms of education was perceived differently. But any medal has two sides. To all the pluses of various modern childhood support programs, a minus was added - children have become more infantile, which hinders their future success. Parents themselves cultivate infantilism in a child from a young age. It happens imperceptibly, unconsciously. And when, as a result, a child unadapted to life grows up, relatives are surprised: from where? And everything is from there, from about three years old. How do most mothers react if a three-year-old child tries to open a bag of kefir on his own? Puffs, blushes, but does not ask for help. Of course, the chairs and the table are splashed with kefir drops, the fingers are sticky, there are white spots on the clothes. Finally - hooray, bam! - the bag is opened and falls to the floor with a noise. It fell successfully, only half splashed. How many mothers, smiling, calmly wipe kefir puddles, pour the remaining kefir into a cup, praise the child: “Well done, you yourself opened the package today! Will you do it even better next time? Unfortunately, such mothers are a rarity. Most often, parents, when children try to do something on their own at the age of 3, say: “Give it here, I will do it better. See if you have to redo it. You're clumsy ... "" Why remake? Why clumsy? - the child sincerely does not understand this. A feature of the age of three years is the formation of the attitude "I can do everything myself, I am already an adult." You probably noticed that it is at this age that a child needs the same items that adults actively use: dad's hammer, mom's canning lids. It is at the age of three, through play, helping to preserve cucumbers or sweep the floor, that the little man lays the foundation for the future. own behavior, communication skills. And what message does the child receive if he is not allowed to show independence? If the grown-ups defiantly redo what he himself did with such difficulty, and even scold him for it? The kid understands that if he does something himself, then his mother may get angry. For a child, angry parents are the collapse of the world, and out of a sense of self-preservation, he will sit quietly, afraid to take the initiative. And a reflex is formed in my head: others will always do better than you. Do not take the initiative, and everything will be fine! How can such an installation turn out in the future? A teenager may have problems with studies - why try if it still doesn’t work out well? Such a teenager will choose a university easier for security reasons. Why pull the veins out of yourself, take the exam for high scores, because others will still pass the exams better than him. And it’s best if the parents choose the university, because the lesson has already been learned from childhood: parents will always do better than he does. Having received an education, such a person will try to get a comfortable, but low-paid job - simply for security reasons. To no responsibility, and hence the likelihood of punishment is minimal. Such an employee will never show initiative, will not take risks, and will always try to shift responsibility for the result to others. He will lose in any negotiations, since the childish attitude “only others know how to do it right” will not allow him to defend his interests. The most interesting thing is that such a specialist may have an excellent education, he may know several foreign languages and be a very competent professional. Only the constant presence in his vocabulary of the words: “Oh, I didn’t know”, “Let’s do it yourself”, “Oh, but I don’t know how” will not allow him to realize all his skills. All his wonderful ideas will be passed off as their own by other people who are not afraid of responsibility. And even in a large company, you can sit as the fifth manager at the sixth battery all your life. Meanwhile, you will grow old, and the amount of the approaching pension will frighten you more and more. Of course, you gave your child an excellent education, realizing that "children are our future pension fund." And it's time for him to start earning enough to be enough for both him and you. But for some reason he doesn’t make a career, and his salary is the same as after graduation. You have already forgotten what the soiled chairs looked like, don’t remember the color of the carpet, which was stained with spilled kefir, the plates that the child broke when was washing dishes. Or rather, he tried to wash, and you sent him out of the kitchen with the words: “Go, I myself, otherwise you will kill everything.” You forgot, but his subconscious didn't. As they say, get it - sign it. The conclusion is very simple: encourage the independence of your child at any age. Let him do as much as possible everything that he can do himself. Praise for the initiative, cheer if something does not work out. Be patient. Yes, it will take you longer to get ready for a walk, because he ties his shoelaces himself and does it for a long time. But the game is worth the candle. And for God's sake, do not pay attention to broken cups and soiled furniture. If your child grows up active and independent, he will buy you a new one, even better than the old one. An infantile teenager is not so scary, the main thing is that this trait does not smoothly flow into adulthood. The following simple rules will help overcome teenage infantilism:

An infantile teenager is not so scary, the main thing is that this trait does not smoothly flow into adulthood. The following simple rules will help overcome teenage infantilism: 1. One of the most effective remedies against infantilism is sports. It has been scientifically proven that children involved in sports are more responsible, persistent in achieving goals, and plan their time more efficiently. After all, responsibility is the opposite side of infantilism.2. One of the main causes of teenage infantilism is overprotection. We live in a dynamic but insecure time. Now you rarely see small children walking on their own in the yard - mostly their parents look after them. Schoolchildren are less and less likely to travel on their own, go to circles. Yes, and meet them after school in many educational institutions considered mandatory. Therefore, in the family, give children the opportunity to exercise as much independence as possible. They should have their own duties, and for their fulfillment they should bear full responsibility. That is, if a teenager does not go to the store, then the whole family sits without sugar. It is better to drink unsweetened tea once than to pay for the infantilism of your own child all your life later. Everything that teenagers can do themselves - let them do it! And on time.3. Some 30 years ago, a person who graduated from a university was considered an adult, independent person, and he was only 22 years old. At present, experts developmental psychology proposed to raise adolescence to 25 years. While scientists are thinking, they are doing research. But the very fact of the possibility of this proposal suggests that our children grow up later than their grandparents.4. Encourage social activities, especially if it is associated with help and care. Now there are a lot of volunteer organizations that have a variety of areas of work: helping the elderly, large families, abandoned animals, ecology ... Let him choose an occupation to his liking, and you help him in his search, look together and discuss information on the Internet - here, too, you should not let it take its course. Otherwise, if he chooses some extremist movement disguised as a fair retribution for the oligarchs, you will not end up with problems.5. Involve your teen in budget discussions to help develop a sense of responsibility. Discuss spending and investments together. By doing this, you, firstly, show the teenager that you treat him like an adult, and secondly, you always have an iron argument when refusing to buy something: together you did not provide for extra expenses.6. It is very good in overcoming infantilism that a periodic exit from the so-called “comfort zone” helps. Take a closer look at what causes difficulty for your child: communication with the opposite sex, public performance? Organize periodically for him to overcome these difficulties. Give the appropriate instructions, so that it was impossible not to do. Otherwise, hiding in a safe shell, once running away from fear, he will then run all his life.7. Special attention Pay attention to the child if he plays the role of a "clown". If in a company a teenager is constantly ready for jokes, “jokes”, and makes jokes, it may not be a matter of cheerfulness. Most likely, in this way the child runs away from the complexities of life, putting on a mask of childish carelessness.8. Teach your teenager to plan his life. Competent setting of goals is one of the indicators of the maturity of the emotional-volitional sphere.9. From childhood, teach your child to overcome behavior. You can often observe such a picture: a baby of about 2 years old hit the corner of the closet, and the mother begins to knock on the closet, saying: “Wow, what a bad closet, so he shouldn’t offend Petenka!” And what does Petenka think? The closet is to blame for his misfortune, but not him personally. A couple of such situations, and a conditioned reflex: “others are to blame, but not me” will be formed. If you made such a mistake (well, who doesn’t happen to you, you didn’t know!), Then in adolescence the situation can still be corrected. When difficult situation always ask: “And what are your next steps? What will you do to solve this problem?” And immediately cut off complaints in the style of “this is such a country (school, coach), I can’t do anything.” Offer to think more, to look for a way out yourself. And after the teenager independently outlines several solutions, discuss each of them with him, help him choose the right one. So you will help the formation of a new reflex - for any challenging task there is a solution, you just need to make an effort to find it.10. If you are a single mother and raise a child alone, then the chances of growing infantile in a child increase, especially if it is a boy. It will be very good if the child constantly sees an example of male behavior, male response to situations. It can be a grandfather, brother, husband of a friend, the main thing is that the contact is more or less constant. This will help reduce the risk of infantilization, especially if it is not just an observation, but any cooperative activity– hiking, playing, building greenhouses, etc. Critical errors

Mistake #1: Overprotection. Everyone knows and understands everything - we live in a troubled time, children should not be allowed to go out alone. Almost kindergarteners now have mobile phones, and this is not pampering, this is a necessity. After all, the presence of a constant connection with the child allows parents to reduce the feeling of anxiety. Nevertheless, you need to fight with your own anxiety, and not indulge it. A grandmother who meets a fifteen-year-old teenager from school simply compromises him in the eyes of others. Think about how you can level out your high anxiety. This can be either your own consultation with a psychologist, or arranging the time of calls or something else. Also, a teenager must have his own responsibilities in the family and clearly fulfill them. And if something doesn't work out, then remember: help should be sufficient, but not excessive. Mistake # 2 Constant criticism. Adults do it "with the best of intentions, so that they do not grow up as an egoist." However, a child who is mercilessly criticized by significant adults lives with the confidence that he will not succeed, it is not even worth trying. And if something good happens in his life, then it is either an accident or the merit of other people. The fear of failure in such a person is a hundred times stronger than the joy of anticipation of good luck. Afraid of making a mistake, he will look all his life for someone to do what for him, despite his knowledge and skills.

Mistake #3 Offering a Child ready-made solutions. If your child came to you with his problem, then your first question should be: “What do you think?” “I don't know” should not be accepted under any circumstances. Let him look for a solution. It doesn't matter if it's correct or not. The child should have it. And then you will discuss together how to do better, how to do it right.

Psychologists often advise too serious people to wake up the inner child. Be open, cheerful, childishly naive. But what about those who are stuck in childhood?

Behind the complex term "infantility" lies an elementary reluctance to grow up.

A two-meter bearded man may well turn out to be a sissy, and an adult woman - a lonely and lost girl.

How is infantilism manifested? Is it possible to get rid of it? And why do people who are no longer 16 on their passports behave worse than teenagers?

Infantile behavior is characteristic of both men and women. Infantilism is not a congenital defect and not a serious illness, but the result of improper upbringing.

If the baby fails to disassemble the toy, he breaks it. Not going to puzzle? - The child will leave him, burst into tears and run to his mother.

The subconsciousness of adult infants works according to the same scheme: “Ahh, the report does not converge! This is a catastrophe. I need to call my mother, the chief accountant, she will help. And if not, I’ll quit, run away, leave for a desert island.”

Childhood in the behavior of an adult looks strange and awkward. Psychologists say that parents are 100% to blame for such deviations, who did not allow the child to make their own decisions, overprotected, suppressed his personality.

As a result, a person does not even try to become independent. Take a session yourself? Well, I do not. Dad has acquaintances in the administration, he will decide everything.

Why should I learn to cook? There is a mother who will come and make a three-course dinner! She is happy to feed her son.

It's funny, but society considers women who behave like little girls (naughty, shift responsibility to others) the norm.

But if a man gives up, they put the stigma of “sissy” on him and bypass the tenth road.

Signs of infantilism in an adult

Immaturity manifests itself in different ways. However, general signs of infantilism can be distinguished.

Responsibility. Her infantile person will be avoided like fire. All his life, his mother made decisions for him: which institute to go to, what to wear, what to get involved in ...

Some hyper-caring parents even bring them to work by the hand! In a responsible position, a person feels as if he has been thrown into the open sea, but has not been taught to swim.

In 90 cases out of 100, it won't last even a couple of months. But there will always be someone else to blame.

Independence? No, I haven't heard. An elementary situation: the Internet suddenly disappeared. What will an adult do? To begin with, at least check the connection and reboot the router.

Then he will find the phone number of the support service and will understand the situation. Myself! No advisors.

The behavior of the infant: “Everything is lost, you need to call mom / dad. I don't even know the phone number of the provider.

Addiction. Personal opinion the "eternal child" is buried somewhere very deep.

It is more important for him what others, friends, parents think. He would rather listen to the advice of his grandmother on the bench than to the voice of his mind.

After all, someone else's opinion is correct. That's how he was taught.

credulity. Convincing an infantile person that he is right is as easy as taking away a candy from a baby.

This is the perfect victim for scammers. A man-child can easily be sold a coffee maker that has been gathering dust in a warehouse for three years, as a novelty of this season.

The main thing is to broadcast with a smart look and appeal to the opinions of experts. The Infante will not resist!

Loneliness. Infantile people are afraid to be alone. It's not about phobias or lack of communication.

With the team somehow calmer. A minimum of responsibility, someone strong and decisive plans everything, and the infanta is good and on the sidelines.

Alone, you have to solve overwhelming tasks: what to eat today, what movie to watch, where to spend the evening ...

Emotionality. Children do not know how to control their emotions - such a psychological feature.

An experienced mother always understands when a child is sad, happy, lying or worried. It's written on his face literally this word.

Since the development of infantile people stopped in childhood, it is not difficult to “read” their emotions.

They do not know how to hide their state of mind, and the reaction to a particular event is very easy to predict.

How is infantilism manifested in men?

Do you think women complain in vain that real men are dying out like dinosaurs?

"Same-sex couples" - this is how families are jokingly called in which mothers and grandmothers are engaged in raising a son.

“Son, did you eat?”, “Granddaughter, I packed a bag for you to the institute” - with their overprotective relatives they destroy everything masculine in the boy.

At first, his mother decided everything for him, now his wife, and everything suits him! So why do women think that this will change after marriage?

Meet the boy Leshenka, thirty-eight years old. According to the passport, he grows up, but in fact - no.

Pay attention to these signs inherent in infantile men.

• Inertia, unwillingness to make important decisions.
• Conflict. In everything, the infant man will blame you, society, fate, but not himself.
• Unwillingness to run a household, work, participate in the upbringing of children.
• An immature boy cannot live without chats, social networks and online games.
  He may seem advanced and not wanting to lag behind progress, but in fact he simply does not know other entertainment.
• Often infantile men they choose older wives - they shift all responsibility on them.

An infant man can be a witty conversationalist, a good worker, but an absolutely irresponsible father and husband. It is not at all necessarily a drone and a gigolo, just an immature person.

How is infantilism manifested in women?

Sit in a cafe with friends, go shopping, find another sponsor... The interests of "eternal girls" are unpretentious and limited. They are unlikely to discuss with you the philosophical treatise of Confucius or the problem of global warming.

It's funny, but men like such women. It is easy to spend time with them, you can relax and quickly strengthen your authority.

But the wives and mothers of them are unimportant. Well, a girl who has not accepted a single one in her life independent decision, be responsible for the husband and child!

How to recognize an infantile woman?

• She will look for a strong man, a kind of “daddy”, who will solve all problems with one phone call and the rustling of bills in her wallet.
• Unlike a sissy, an infantile woman skillfully uses her weaknesses. In a sense, being insecure and childishly naive is beneficial to her.
  The chosen one did not buy another fur coat - the woman's lips are already trembling, and her eyes are filled with tears ... This is a powerful weapon against men.
• Infanta women often speak in a high voice and even dress like teenagers.
• They give all the reins of power to a man and do not participate in family affairs.
  “Oh, you are so strong, do it yourself” - combining flattery with a request, they skillfully evade responsibility.

How to get rid of infantilism? 5 steps to success

Only the person to whom it interferes with life can get rid of infantilism!

If the infant has already become close to his shell, skillfully shifted responsibility onto the shoulders of others and does not consider this a problem, even the most brilliant psychologist will not be able to help.

How to overcome infantilism?

Step 1: Awareness. The thought should knock on the head that infantilism is not just beautiful and compound word but a hindrance to a happy life.

You need to understand that the problem comes from childhood is not solved in a couple of days. You will have to work on yourself.

And not always the methods will be pleasant. If you can't do it yourself, you can contact professional psychologist. Just remember: he will not decide anything for you.

Step 2: comfort zone. It's hard to be brave and independent when you return home - and there mom is already pouring freshly brewed borscht and lovingly hanging up your linen.

Chicks are considered adults when they themselves can fly out of the nest and get their own food.

Why have you still not found the strength to leave your parental nest? Cozy, comfortable, no need to think about tomorrow?

But in the same Germany, children leave their parental home immediately after coming of age. And they achieve everything themselves! And you can.

Yes, the first days will be difficult, but life will teach you how to cook dinner and use the washing machine.

Step 3: Decision Making. Are you used to calling your parents, husband/wife, friends in a difficult situation?

You are an adult who does not shy away from difficulties. Mom will not come to understand why the boss deprived you of the bonus!

And dad can’t always work as a plumber and fly to you at the first call. Decide for yourself what to eat for breakfast, what color jacket to buy, which companies to send resumes to ...

Who else but you knows your desires and needs? Just stop suppressing them and learn to listen to yourself.

Step 4: Self Realization. You can’t call yourself an adult and beg your dad for money for travel or a movie.

You can come up with a thousand excuses: no education, no hire, all bad - I'm good ...

But there are still thousands of doors in the world that you have not yet knocked on! And for everything to work out, you need to send out resumes and go to interviews, and not philosophize while lying on the couch.

Step 5: Responsibility for others. For a wife, a child, subordinates, elderly parents ...

Someone is helped by a sharp emotional shake-up: moving to a foreign country, new job, birth of a child.

Do not underestimate the instincts of self-preservation: in a critical situation, they work at 200%. Even a weak and insecure person finds the strength to make fateful decisions!

Summing up

Infantilism is not just beautiful word but a problem that prevents you from living. And the sooner a person realizes this, the easier it is for him to further way. It consists of five steps:

• awareness;
• exit from the comfort zone;
• independent solutions;
• self-realization;
• responsibility for another.

Have you met infantile people?

Some people don't mature at all with time. Everyone else has a family, a job, a serious adult life, and they have an irresponsible and frivolous attitude to everything, superficial views and hasty judgments.

Of course, such a person does not think about problems, and occasionally it seems easy and pleasant to communicate with him, but not everyone can live with him on the same territory. What is infantilism, how to deal with it and is it worth doing it at all?

Manifestations of infantilism

1. Unreliability

An infantile person is unpunctual, optional, and has no qualms about it. It is easier for him to come up with a thousand and one excuses for you than to get organized and come to the meeting on time. When it comes to important matters, he will go out of his way to play for time and make excuses, hoping that eventually someone will take full responsibility for himself. He easily forgets about promises, loses things, never knows where his documents are and always really hopes that someone will insure him, check everything and correct it.

2. Financial irresponsibility

Standing in the mall, you look at a beautiful figurine and think that it would look good at home, but you are short of money only for food and you decide to postpone the purchase until better times. The eternal child never thinks about such things. If he wanted any thing, he must get it, and then you will listen to complaints for a long time that there is absolutely nothing to eat at home, and two weeks before payday. An infantile person has a very vague idea of ​​\u200b\u200bwhat bills for an apartment are, and very often borrows money. And in modern times, with the ability to take a loan, such a person periodically lives only at the expense of loans. He cannot stay at one job for a long time and most often, he is interrupted by part-time jobs when he is completely broke.

3. Lack of purpose

An infantile person is not able to make at least some clear plans for the future, often delays making decisions and ultimately acts either under someone else's pressure or on the principle of "heads and tails". He always hopes for a miracle, and not for putting himself in order.

Difficulties in relationships

First of all, it is difficult for infantile people to get along with the opposite sexbecause they shift all decisions to a partner. Many people like to feel strong and take care of their soul mate, but sooner or later the behavior of a parent with an unlucky child kills the sexual side of the relationship.

If your employee or friend demonstrates infantile traits, then it is difficult for you to trust him with at least some important matters, knowing that he may not meet the deadlines, panic at the wrong moment and ruin everything.

For all the charm of a holiday person, when it comes to trust, he is unlikely to be the first person you think of.

Cause of infantile behavior

We all come from childhood and the roots of our behavior go back there. The eternal child only reacts to circumstances, trying to seek help and protection from anyone, but not from himself. What are the reasons for his behavior?

The child was pushed too soon adult life. For example, with irresponsible parents or with the departure of one of the parents, in all cases when the child was left to himself in childhood. With infantile behavior, he avenges the inattention and plays his part, trying to regain his lost childhood.

If a child was punished for the slightest “step to the left, step to the right” and was comprehensively controlled, from adolescence, he will express his rebellion in this way, which will gradually turn into a line of behavior.

When parents care too much about a child, blowing dust off him and depriving him of independence, at an older age he simply does not know where to go in the real world and is always looking for someone to replace his parents and solve all the difficulties for him and Problems.

How to fix the eternal child?

Teach him to make decisions on his own, not urgent ones to begin with. Enlist him to help you more often, and give him enough time for this help. At first, in no case do not limit it to a time frame.

Try to try on yourself a mask of helplessness, you will see that an infantile person is quite capable of acting quickly and consciously if he feels that someone else depends on him.