If a person has no dreams, he is dead. Why are there no dreams?

We launched the project "Coaching for the Manager", the purpose of which was to help managers who are experiencing a professional and personal crisis, who want to understand the accumulated problems and open up new horizons for growth.

Everyone knows where good intentions lead. So our desire to describe and film the coaching process led us to a dead end. At the beginning of the project, just in case, we selected two participants. But even before coaching began, one of them went through a reorganization, and his position as chief executive was reduced. With another participant, we began to work quite fruitfully. However, along the way, requests began to come in that this should not be indicated in the report, it would be desirable to retouch it, etc. In general, this is confidential, not for the press, we play here, we wrap fish here ... So we made sure that coaching and publicity are still incompatible things.

Therefore, we bring to your attention a description of coaching with SIMPLE Alexey. How did he initially perceive his situation?

“We are a family run business. We have been trading in food wholesale and retail for many years - there is a network of small stores. We are not poor. Everyone is happy, life in the company is measured - the average joys of an average life, an average business ... But we have stopped in our development! I have in recent times there was a feeling as if you were sitting in a cramped, old suit, from which you had grown a long time ago. All in all, I feel like I can do more. At one time I tried to write a book - it turned out to be a rather tedious moralizing. Did you even think about going to the deputies? Although now in our Duma, perhaps, it is boring ...

I really want to change something in my life, in my business, in myself. But I do not know how to do it and what, in fact, to change? Just like in that fairy tale - go there, I don’t know where ...

I usually have a special, pleasant feeling when I buy a new suit. You feel like a different person - a cheerful, energetic optimist. But what kind of costume do you need to choose for yourself and for others, so that everyone has a desire to change ... Often there is a desire to be alone with myself, I feel uncomfortable next to those who surround me now. Maybe fire half of the employees and recruit those who, as they say, have eyes on fire ... But the company employs an ex-wife, father-in-law, brother, old friends, people with whom much is already connected, to whom I owe ... And I’m not sure what it is something will change, and it is not clear what exactly needs to be changed? After all, in general, there are no special problems. Yes, and there is no complete certainty that he himself is ready for changes ... "

Often my clients are not aware of their true, primary goals and objectives. I had a client who thought that his main goal in life was to make a million dollars, but in fact he just needed the safety and approval of others.

There was a client who wanted to make successful career, but at the heart of this was a desire to drown out the pain associated with a recent divorce, the loss of a loved one.

Therefore, it was important for me that Alexei clearly articulated the purpose of our work and his long-term goal. He did not have a goal that would saturate him with energy and give meaning to his life, his destiny. After all, as the classic said, no wind will be fair if you do not know where to sail. Alexei was going through a classic midlife crisis, and he needed to find himself new, to understand and accept the necessity and consequences of his internal changes, to define new values ​​and interests.

“... I discovered that for a long time I no longer had a dream that would capture me and bring joy to my life. I didn't have real friends, I didn't have a loved one - with ex-wife we have long been strangers, lived separately. The son, thanks to his mother's treatment, showed interest in me only when he needed money. Such a consumer attitude offends me and, by and large, I don’t understand why, for whom I earn money, I’m not interested in living ... "

We determined the energy of his path and the current situation - what is the degree of opposition to him from the environment, circumstances, what factors are favorable. (All this is reflected in the energy map that I usually draw up for clients: it is built on the basis of a personal scenario-energy code, which calculates energy costs at various stages and takes into account resource and non-resource zones - people and situations that can strengthen or weaken our energy .) At the same time, I made sure that Alexei's goals were in tune with his spiritual mood and harmoniously integrated into the surrounding reality, if possible, without encountering resistance or rejection. After all, we had to rationally use energy and properly distribute it.

Sometimes I acted as a trustee, reduced pressure on Alexei from relatives, friends (in the process of changing his relationship with them and reorganizing the business), reducing the level of confrontation in communication. One of the tasks was to find mutual language with a student son. Alexey did not consider him a member of his team in life. And unlocking their relationship proved to be the hardest thing for us. I found out that Alexei cannot forgive his son for “betrayal” when he chose his mother at the trial, during a divorce, despite his father’s requests to live with him.

Alexey described the stages of our work with the following metaphors:

“...And then I realized that I could live for an idea - I had many significant ideas, even in my “pre-business” life. And one of them suddenly popped up by itself. This made me very happy. I have an interest in life ... "

“... I had a feeling that I was getting out of a swamp. At first, I discovered a whole group of sucking leeches, and mosquitoes overcame the shore, and the croaking of frogs was very annoying ... "

“... When I washed and dried, I began to pick up the very suits in which I and my team would be cozy and comfortable. And, as it is in the song: the main thing is that the suit fits and that my appearance evokes not only respect and interest in me, but also the desire of others to win my respect and my interest ... "

At the “fitting” stage, Alexey made sure that his and the team’s “suits” should still be different. He psychologically began to rebuild from the team under the slogan: "What is allowed to Jupiter is not allowed to bulls!". But we also passed the stages of “intolerance”, and then “delusions of grandeur” quite quickly and without any special complications ... Thus, receiving the reaction of the perceiving environment, I “translated” it to Alexei in the form of advice, images and corrected his strategies.

We made a transactional analysis of Alexey's unsuccessful managerial experience, when he had to overcome conservative negativism, the resistance of employees towards himself (as well as towards everything new, which not only changes the familiar, but also threatens with unpredictable changes). A typical mistake in these cases was the situation when he either “pushed through” his decisions (an evil Parent), or began to generate positive, and sometimes even ingratiating his own characteristics for others, risking switching to the position of a weak or naive Child. In this case, the subordinates began to perceive themselves as an Adult, displacing "our" leader from the niche of Strength and Confidence.

The winning position in these office games is for someone who assumes the role of an Adult or a wise Parent, automatically placing the opponent in the position of a Child who can be rewarded for good behavior and punished for bad. The child is forced to make excuses, play up and feel his dependence and weakness. But the Group Child does not need a Despotic Parent or another single Child with “pretensions”.

When using methods of influencing group consciousness, you need to find an ally in the face of the Parent, sitting in each of us, with whom you can negotiate by entering his system of moral and ethical criteria: right-wrong, possible-not, good-bad. Thus, the pressure is transferred inside the system: the Child falls under the control of the Parent, and the Adult will substantiate and systematically correct the process of “correct” actions…

After designating the range of personal and managerial tasks, psycho-correction of inadequate reactions and forms of behavior was carried out to normalize them. When we worked out the reasons for Alexei's resentment towards his son, he realized that he himself had provoked coldness in their relationship. Because at that time he had a stormy romance, because of which the family broke up, and the son’s choice in favor of his mother was caused by a desire to protect her, and even an insult to the “traitor” father and a secret desire to save the family, return him to them with mom. A frank and difficult conversation took place between them: the father shared with his son his thoughts, feelings about their relationship, his plans and asked for his help ... After that, the son gradually became an energy resource for Alexei, and soon Alexei entrusted him to lead one of the directions in his business ...

In parallel, Alexei learned the basic techniques of self-relaxation and stress resistance. In accordance with the chosen status-role tasks, his new image was formed. Moreover, the work was carried out not only on the appearance (the same suit, hairstyle, etc.), but also on the style and demeanor.

I had a client with a choleric temperament, impulsive and rather irritable, but trying to appear imposing and stern. It was this image that corresponded in his mind to the image of a real businessman and should have aroused respect and reverence among those around him. However, those around him reacted to this either with hidden ridicule or conflicts. So, irritability was the result of an internal contradiction between his natural state and the restrictions that he himself set for himself. After an appropriate correction, he returned to himself - the present. And now everyone is comfortable with him, he is the ringleader and inspirer, both in business and with loved ones.

In addition, a concept and strategy for Alexey's interaction with the business environment (employees, partners, clients) was developed. The main task was to strengthen and position the charisma of Alexei. After all, as you know, the team "for exploits" is usually inspired not by corporate values ​​and the mission, which usually differ little in different companies - people follow the person-leader. And if the project does not have a charismatic, charming, disposable and attractive person (not only indirectly, but also figuratively), then such a group is doomed to failure.

The behavior and appearance of Alexei had to confirm the installation: “Trust me! I know what I'm doing! With me you will be better! Therefore, I am confident and open!”

Since it turned out that Alexei was really "cramped" in the business that he led, alternatives were discussed: either prepare for the transition of himself and his business to another level, or try himself as a public and political figure. As a result, we combined his business opportunities with the promotion of some social projects. Alexei's humanitarian education has finally become in demand ...

• creation of the concept of personal promotion (creation of an energy map, structuring goals and ways to achieve them, determining the target audience, archetypes, working out personal history and main messages);
• adaptation to the client (mental, acting and situational transformation with a parallel study of psychological problems);
• testing (checking the degree of adaptability of prepared I/WE-messages - messages);
• improvement taking into account the identified "weaknesses" or areas of growth of the client;
• consolidation (creation and strengthening of the installation that encodes the desired scenario with sufficient energy).

In working with Alexei, one of the important tasks- creating the mentality of a leader. And this, in my opinion, is the main difference between the tasks of a practical psychologist and a coach-image maker. The category of clients of an image maker or a brand coach are, as a rule, people who aspire to public activities. Otherwise, why should they construct their own image, a system of signs and signals designed to influence others? Different people come to a psychologist. Moreover, many of them seek to solve psychological problems to achieve personal integrity. In this case, the task of self-acceptance is more often, the development of complexes and a radical intervention in their mentality, the construction of new characteristics, most likely, will be unacceptable for them and may even cause protest.

And also, the client and I often determine his opinion about his own significance and importance, and try to make his self-esteem adequate ...

In order to judge the real importance of a person, one must assume that he died, and imagine what a void he would leave behind him: not many would stand such a test. (P. Buast).

We change the phrase “psychological problems” to “eliminate blocks” and “tasks of the leader”, which should be solved by converting them into an additional internal resource that stimulates and motivates for active social and social activity. At the same time, it is very important that the image of a person correspond to his archetype, which means that the next step is the archetypal adaptation of the image.

With Alexey, we replaced the archetypes of the Nice Guy and the Caring One with the archetypes of the Seeker, the Creator. And this strengthened his archetype of the Ruler, which before that was in third place in the role priorities of Alexei.

How does the archetypal adaptation of the image take place? And what are archetypes anyway?

“Archetype (from the Greek arche - beginning and typos - image) - the category of the prototype. In this capacity, the archetype has become an important concept of Christian aesthetics, since, according to Clement of Alexandria(III century AD), the universal prototype is God. And in the future, the archetype was invariably conceived as belonging to the sacred sphere. Imitation of the prototype are images - icons, which can be outwardly similar to the archetype or, conversely, opposite to it in their qualities. The idea of ​​the absolute incomprehensibility of the archetype - "unlike similarities" - was developed in the 5th century. Pseudo-Dionysius the Areopagite. With regard to the practice of icon painting, the prototype is considered to be the object of the image - a sacred event or person, and the icon itself should serve as a means of "raising the mind to the prototype." The image of a circle with inscribed in it geometric shapes- crosses, rhombuses, squares, which form the basis of universal human symbolism.

According to the theory of the Swiss psychologist Carl Gustav Jung, the deepest levels of the human subconscious contain inherited images of the "collective unconscious", or archetypes - the most ancient universal ideas and symbols that have become the basis of myths, folk and traditional art for all cultures.

I will add that archetypes are also carriers of emotions and energy charge. So, the Hero delights us, the Jester amuses us, the Nice Guy touches us. And therefore, when we recognize in someone the carrier of one or another archetype, an energy resonance occurs, this revives similar emotions in our memory or anticipates them.

By the way, each egregore has its own set of archetypes. So, in egregor Family, these are children's archetypes: Simpleton, Nice fellow, Seeker, often a Jester, causing tenderness and kind smiles, or a Rebel trying to prove that he is a full member of the family, as well as parental archetypes: Caring, Hero, Sage, Ruler .

We will return to this topic, but for now let's talk a little about the construction of the image.

In my practice, the processes of psychocorrection and image formation are practically inseparable and interdependent. But if psycho-correction is based on scientific and practical psychological methods, then the design of the image is largely influenced by cultural, humanistic and aesthetic patterns. The success of an image in brand positioning will depend on how well it matches the expected societal archetype.

So, the image of a show business star (which is designed to entertain) originates from the areal entertainers and farce buffoons with their bright, catchy paraphernalia, kitsch, shocking, eccentricity. The image of the politician is based on the leadership archetype, when the hero resists evil, protecting others from disasters and enemies. On the one hand, the hero has such qualities as masculinity, fearlessness, determination, ruthlessness towards enemies, on the other hand, he is kind, fair, wise and sensitive towards friends and the group, which recognizes him as a leader.

Depending on the goals of the client, the consultant determines the appropriate archetype for him. For example, the archetype of the Hero, the Savior, the Caring, or, in case of opposition to the system, the Rebel. All actions of the "archetypal" leader must be evaluated as successful and victorious.

And of course, a demonstration of a leader set will be a prerequisite. Force. Rightness. Confidence. Innovation. Hope.

Suppose a client plans to participate in an election campaign. Naturally, in his archetype there should be a leadership set. But even here there are nuances. Thus, a deputy who will be engaged in legislative activities does not necessarily have to have aggressively dominant qualities. There are examples when artists, scientists, journalists, teachers, doctors, who had democratic-liberal images, became deputies.

But if we are talking about the election of the head of the local administrative body, then the requirements are already different. Here, the qualities of a manager are needed: adherence to principles, rigidity, economic competence, etc.

It should be noted that a VIP (or a VIP candidate) is a person who wants to improve his social and social conditions by conquering new heights and expanding horizons. He is often motivated to realize his intentions, to prove something to someone (and, first of all, to himself), to assert himself. This can be formalized in a significant position, in popularity, recognition, influence, increase in fees, etc. To do this, the candidate must position the following:

• that he is objectively better than others;
• may be more useful than others;
• knows the problems of those with whom he communicates, expresses or represents their interests;
• possesses a certain gift (unique abilities, knowledge, charisma);
• is a favorite higher powers(in relation to some cases of consumer or electorate specificity, if we are talking about a political project, it is desirable to demonstrate confirmation of this - a sign from above).

He must show everyone that he has an abundance of vitality and ideas.

He needs the right story, a convincing biography: as a child, inquisitive, but not "egg-headed" - they are not very fond of - from "his own", fair, loves knowledge. The following is required of him: skillfully demonstrate his competence, always look decisive, express sympathy and understanding in time, have an attractive and friendly appearance.

If this is a politician who focuses on the opposition electorate, he must demonstrate non-elite or "epiphany" with subsequent rejection, the ability to criticize, destroy, change.

If the candidate represents power, he exhibits protective and often conservative tendencies.

Although now a representative of power is well perceived in the guise of a reformer fighting negligent local officials. And then the justice and wisdom of the Center is opposed to the corruption, stupidity and rigidity of “individual” (but for some reason numerous) representatives of the regions (good tsar - evil boyars) ...

His speech should be emotional and sincere. It is desirable that his image has a historical or associative connection with already recognized brands - great personalities from the relevant field (reliance on archetypes!), as if he is to some extent their current incarnation and continuation. He must have a charming and inviting smile (in some cases, mean, but sincere) and inescapable cheerfulness, indicating high level positive energy. After all, he should instill POSITIVE, OPTIMISM in those around him.

There are times when a person goes to power, sincerely wanting to do good, but on the way he meets so much evil that he has to fight with, that in the end he forgets why he originally needed power. However, no, even the most skillful image will not be able to effectively influence if it is created without taking into account the characteristics of a person's personality. An unadapted image can become a dissonant irritant both for the wearer himself and for those whose perception it is designed for. There is an opinion that the image is perceived, and not the person, since only his close circle communicates with the person. Indeed, an artificially constructed virtual image allows you to create an ideal image of a person and can work effectively, but only with large groups. However, the smaller the group, and, accordingly, the closer and more intense the communication, the greater the role played by the personal factor. Indeed, in this case, the MCE is forced to communicate directly with the objects of influence and will be perceived already at several levels, through various channels. Incongruity and falsehood become obvious in this case.

When designing and adapting the image, one should also take into account psychological features type of person. Depending on whether he is an extrovert or an introvert, as well as on the situational or social context, either the strategy of openness or, conversely, closeness should prevail in his image policy. So, for example, introverts in direct communication with large groups may have problems with publicity skills, and extroverts may be poorly given confidentiality and mysterious suggestiveness.

Thus, the task of positioning a client in brand coaching is not only to create, but also to combine images: real, ideal and required.

It sometimes takes as much intelligence to take advantage of good advice as to apply good advice to myself. (F. La Rochefoucauld)

I will briefly outline the directions of his / my / our activities. This is help and support in harmonizing relations with oneself, one’s self and with the world, which can be expressed, for example, in eliminating conflicts in the family, in obtaining a higher position in the company, promoting one’s own project, running for election, developing and implementing a personal development plan and etc.

Such a format, in addition to standard sessions and telephone training, may include the participation of a consultant in negotiation processes, holding 1-2-day workshops, trainings, facilitating important meetings and client meetings with subsequent analysis, and so on. After working out the main problem or solving the problem, the client receives skills independent work with post-problem situations, while having constant contact with a consultant who corrects the client's actions in accordance with the energy map. In the event of new serious problem situations a new session is held. Thus, the outcome of each session is a concrete action plan with clearly defined deadlines.

So, did Alexey manage to achieve his goals or is he still in search?

He is still in search, on the way, mastering the next life meters! True, now he is already one of the hundred most influential people in Russia ... But! At his request, I omitted and changed the specific details of his story ... Confidentiality, you know ... And this is his right, because the client is always right!

If we talk about the results of consulting, then, according to the majority of clients, with the help of a brand coach, they were able to solve the following tasks:

• harmonize your own energy;
• define goals and the first steps to achieve them;
• raise the "bar" of their own capabilities;
• increase independence;
• learn to get more satisfaction from their activities;
• learn to find new ways of effective cooperation;
• increase personal responsibility and self-respect;
• satisfy your ambitions and ambitions;
• coordinate individual goals with the goals of the project, organization;
• discover new abilities and opportunities, develop creativity;
• realize the importance of creating and positioning one's own and corporate reputation;
• create charisma and successfully promote a personal brand (as a result of our joint efforts).

In conclusion, I will add that in parallel with the main process, the consultant carefully monitors that the achievement of the goal in one area of ​​life does not occur at the expense of other areas. So that changes bring harmony, love, joy to the client's life. To have a reasonable balance between career, family, friends, spiritual growth.

Although, frankly, often VIP status is still not harmony and balance, but, on the contrary, dissonance and imbalance. But this is precisely what provides the internal energy and dynamics of actions that lead to VIP goals. However, I have clients who have already reached certain social heights. Now they are returning to themselves, to their mental origins, gaining inner integrity and understanding of the highest meaning...

A photo: facebook.com

Mankind always wonders why a person needs a goal in life. If a person does not have a dream and a goal in life, he just lives his life. Goals make his existence meaningful and fulfilling, deliver joy and pleasure. The purpose of life helps to concentrate on achieving results, move forward, distinguish the main from the secondary, achieve peace in the soul.

How to define a dream: I don’t understand what I want

When we realize why a person needs a goal in life, we begin to direct our thoughts and actions towards achieving the goal. At first glance, it is obvious that every day, lived with purpose and intention, is happiness. But is it so natural? Why do we sometimes feel devastated and disappointed after achieving our dreams? Why goal achieved life does not always make a person happy?

The fact is that goals must be correctly defined - they must come from the heart and satisfy the true desires of a person. But how to understand which desires are the main ones? There is a wonderful quote from the cartoon "Smeshariki" about the difficulty of determining true desires: " Eh ... Then you get not quite what you want, then you get it, but you don’t want it anymore. Otherwise, you won’t understand what you really want.”. And really, how to understand your inner needs and how to decide on setting the right goals? How to determine what you really want, and not get the deepest disappointment after many years of work to achieve the goal?

I see the goal - how to determine if it's mine or not

Psychologists have compiled lists of life goals for people who do not know how to determine the purpose of life. Lists can contain up to a hundred diverse goals! Here are examples of some of them:

1. Break the world record.
2. Start your own business.
3. Start a family.
4. Read the Bible.
5. To travel a lot.

Great ideas! But how do you determine what is right for you? After all, they belong to completely different spheres of life, confirming that the main needs of a person can be in different planes, possibly opposite ones. For some, the main motivating goal of life can be the creation of their own business, and someone will find happiness in creating a family. Someone will be inspired by the dream of breaking a world record, and someone will feel deep satisfaction from reading the Bible. How to determine which goals from the list are worthy of your attention and are a personal aspiration, and not imposed stereotypes of success and happiness or just a delusion?

Finding a Purpose: How to Set the Right Course in Knowing Yourself

On self-development sites, in order to set a worthy goal, it is quite natural to suggest starting this process with self-knowledge. For example, a series of questions are suggested to get to know yourself better:

1. What am I naturally good at?
2. In what types of activities can I show my creative thinking?
3. What kind of books do I like to read?
4. What do I like to talk about?
5. What help and advice do people usually ask me for?

But how to answer these questions honestly and sincerely to yourself? After all, we are so often conscientiously mistaken, we think with imposed stereotypes, we succumb to false attitudes. How to discard this husk and get to your true essence, to your real inner world? How to determine the goals of life, coming straight from the heart? After all, we don't really know who we really are.

How to define a goal in life is not an idle question

You are a man or a woman, so you want to somehow decide in life, to portray something. It's so bittersweet when you don't know what your purpose is. It hurts so much when goals only satisfy your daily needs, but do not help you find your place in life. So how do you understand why you came into this life, how to determine the goal in life - where to start?

Our mind is made up of desires. The system-vector psychology of Yuri Burlan defines a set of desires and internal needs and calls them vectors. Vectors are given to us from birth and determine our psychological structure, worldview and attitude. Nature necessarily endows us with all the necessary properties and abilities for the realization of our inner desires. You just need to realize these desires, and nature has already taken care of the abilities and talents for their realization.

Realizing our inner desires, we will feel the joy and enjoyment of life. A goal chosen in accordance with our psychological makeup will inspire and motivate throughout the life path.

So, for a person with a visual vector, the meaning of life is to give and receive emotions. For him, the goal in life can be love for others or filling people's lives with bright colors and emotions. And a person with a skin vector will receive satisfaction from material wealth or career advancement.

Start searching for your life goals now

It is clear that everything will not be easy on the way to their implementation. But the worst thing is when a person just physically lives his life and does not know how to decide on his dream and how to set a goal for himself.

Come to the free online training "Systemic Vector Psychology" by Yuri Burlan, already there you will learn a lot about your psychological structure and your purpose in life and get closer to answering the question of how to determine the purpose of life. Register via the link.

“… I am a professional photographer. It is an unthinkable pleasure for me to do what I love, whether it is photography itself or post-processing of images ... To meet new amazing, creative, beautiful and very bright people. I have all this happiness thanks to the training of Yuri Burlan ...

But five years ago, I, completely disoriented and always not knowing where to stumble and what to apply myself to, believed that the main thing is to believe in your dream, and it will come by itself. It’s embarrassing even to remember how much I was occupied with all these “positive thoughts”, horoscopes, name meanings, wish cards and other nonsense, on which it is customary to shift responsibility for one’s life ... Naturally, the dream did not come by itself. And a few years later, having already completed the training, I was able to honestly finally admit to myself that in fact I wanted something completely different, getting confused in my own rationalizations ... "

Obtaining results, therefore, the one who knows how to achieve them wins. Recently, the concept of a dream has been greatly depreciated, since it is commonly believed that dreams are useless, they say, a dreamer will never achieve anything, a dream will remain a dream. And dreaming becomes somehow shameful, and setting goals is commendable, don't you agree? I believe that this attitude arises as a result of a misunderstanding of the essence of the dream and the essence of the goal. You can’t just cross out one thing from your life without impoverishing it, it’s important to understand that a dream and a goal perform completely different functions, then you can easily find a balance between two processes - dreams and.

Why do we need dreams?

Remember some cherished dream from the past - how did you feel when you lived it? Immerse yourself in these pleasant sensations, and now return to the present moment and answer yourself - how do you feel about this dream now? If it is fulfilled, then, for sure, you feel pride, pleasure. If the dream has lost its relevance due to changed views and circumstances, then most likely you do not care. And if the dream is still relevant, but not fulfilled, probably, the sensations are close to disappointment, frustration, resentment, right?

With this paragraph, I tried to show you that a dream is directly related to human feelings, it affects us at the deepest level (where it was born), excites and gives us energy. The function of a dream is to inspire, and after all, everyone knows that when there is, everything is easier, life itself brings pleasure. Do you notice the difference when you do something to fulfill your dreams and when you just do it because it "should"? In the first case, everything turns out by itself, you are on the rise and catch the buzz from what is happening. This is the function of a dream - to give you strength to fulfill your strongest desires.

Why are goals needed?

How is a goal different from a dream? The most commonly used expressions with these two concepts will help me demonstrate the difference - the dream is usually "fulfilled" (itself), and the goal is "achieved" (by a person). Indeed, in a dream there is a moment of shifting for its fulfillment to other people (“someone came and gave me this”), higher powers (“a miracle happened”), etc. Target same always achieved directly to those who placed it, while help from other people or higher powers is not excluded, but the responsibility for achieving the goal lies entirely with the person himself. If you are not ready to take on this responsibility, then you can remain just a dreamer. A dream is an inspiration, and a goal is that the moment you decide to fulfill your dream.

Another difference between a goal and a dream in specifics and. The dream can be very extensive, often indistinct. If you want to fulfill a dream, you need to turn it into a goal or several goals. The goal has specific deadlines, it is real and achievable. Then the goal is divided into tasks, and you get a plan for fulfilling your dream. In order to fulfill your dream, make it concrete!

What if there is no dream

Everyone has dreams in childhood, adolescence and youth, but often they shrink under the pressure of reality and are forgotten. Maybe your old dreams have lost their relevance, but you don’t have new ones? In fact, they are, just hidden deep under the pressure of problems, disappointments and negative thoughts. I'll show you some ways how to know your dreams:

1. Imagine that you received ten million dollars, which is not taxed - what will you spend it on? I must say right away that your debts and loans were automatically repaid, and you still have $10 million, what will you do with them?
2. Answer the question: what will you do if, from now on, you no longer need to work to provide for yourself and your family? What do you want to do more than anything in the world, solely for your own pleasure?
3. If you knew that you only had six months left to live, how would you spend them (provided that you would be absolutely healthy during these six months)?

The answers to these questions are your dreams, which can be converted into goals, broken down into tasks and fulfilled. Start right now!

Hello. I want to pour out my soul. Sorry if I don't punctuate correctly. My name is Oleg and I am 20 years old. Well, anyway, I'll start ....

To be honest, what frustrates me most in life is that I have no goal and desire to achieve something. There are flashes in places, I light up ideas, I start doing it, but after a while I throw my hands on everything and continue my worthless way of being. I don't have a goal, I don't have a dream, I don't have a lifestyle that I want to see in the future. I remember trying to find my calling, doing everything possible, but I never came. I'm just afraid that one day I will understand my hobby, but it will be too late to implement it. For 20 years, damn it, I've been sitting on my mother's neck for so long, but I want to change something.

Relationships are generally in trouble. I'm afraid of society in the circle of girls, I don't know what topics to communicate with them, etc. I immediately say I'm not gay. In all my years, I have not fallen in love more than once, there were moments of flash, not of love, but of sympathy. I have never had a girlfriend. Everything I ever tried to do was not mutual.

For all my worthless existence, I simply hated myself for the fact that I can’t and don’t want to do anything. I tried to take on the mind, read smart books on psychology, etc., in general, I tried to change to change my life for the better. But since I'm writing here, it means it didn't work out. Now I just exist. I don't care what happens tomorrow.
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thebeedy , age: 04/20/2016

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Hello. Oleg, each person builds his own life. You have already summed up, put an end to it, although in fact you are just getting out of childhood. It is clear that there has not yet been a relationship, that they have not yet found themselves and their place under the sun. But everything is ahead. Naturally, we must move on, not stand still, not be lazy. Study, work, support parents. Later, create a family, become quite adult and responsible. Good luck to you!

Irina, age: 04/28/07/2016

Hey! There is such a word "should". You can’t live according to your wishes, you have to do it when you don’t want to. One must be able to force oneself otherwise it is not a person, but a rag. Activities should not be aimed at likes or dislikes, but at the result. The result is a victory, because in sports you compete not just like that, but for an award. The reward is the result. And you do for the sake of doing, so you have no desire. Set a goal and achieve it, even if it is small, but the goal)

Sergey, age: 41 / 04/07/2016

Hello Oleg! I don't think you're old enough to take stock. If you have not yet found the activities that you would like to do, then you have not tried everything yet. It is very good when even a very adult person is looking for something, developing, trying. This process cannot be stopped. Another thing is that you can treat the case in different ways. Starting to do something, it is useful to consider whether you want to do it not only now, but also in the future. If so, then the goals and objectives will appear. Therefore, continue to search for yourself, consider options, do not be lazy. If we talk about personal life, then in order to start a really serious relationship, you need to be ready for them. You need to be ready not only to receive, but also to give your attention, care, love. And if You are ready to do this, but so far You have not liked anyone, then be sure that such a meeting will definitely happen. Continue to get acquainted, get to know people, be attentive to them. And then you will surely find yourself a life partner. Understand that this often takes a lot of time, but it becomes the key to future happiness. Wait for it. Don't think about fatal mistake. These thoughts will only make it worse. Good luck.

Mikhail, age: 04/28/08/2016

Oleg, you've got a saying: "Appetite comes with eating?". Do something, find a job. So you can try yourself in different types activities, slowly choose what is more interesting for you. And new acquaintances and friends will appear.

Julia, age: 04/29/2016

Hello Oleg,

How many of your peers and among boys and girls are overcome by the same problem as yours. They are absolutely beautiful, smart, educated, stylish young guys and girls, maybe even older than you. If you could only imagine that many live in absolute loneliness with no minimum experience up to 30 years and above! I know a lot of such people. By the way, many of them have already received education, work, and still continue to live with their parents. In general, be grateful to God that you have them, for starters, even if you still depend on them financially. You are so young to give such assessments of your life.

I often go to a boarding school for the disabled and see how young boys and girls with disabilities at the age of 25 and even a little older than you would dream of feeling maternal and paternal care and affection even at that age. But they were abandoned, and in 99.9 percent of the cases they will never have that opportunity. Don't be so critical and demanding of yourself. It's very common in our culture to have a special bond with your parents, and your situation is completely normal. And your man (your future wife) will leave you nowhere. She will be yours because she will not care about your hobbies, your style of clothing, your car brand, or even your annual income. Work and help someone who is much worse than you. Perhaps there you will meet a person who will be ready to give and who will not care much about your external merits in this world.

Lara, age: 35 / 04/08/2016

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"... you'd better tell why there are no dreams at all"
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They are. They cannot be. It's simply impossible to live without a dream.

At first, when you are small, you fantasize. Then your fantasies are transformed into dreams. If everything goes well, dreams become goals: you plan, set tasks, gradually solve them. Faced with obstacles, you think about how to get around or overcome them. You go further. At the same time, you can work on several tasks that will eventually lead to the goal of your whole life.

Approximately three to five percent of the world's population lives this way. Therefore, do not be very upset that you do not have a dream. True, it is somehow disgusting to realize oneself as an average ordinary person…

If this fact does not bother you and you do not intend to conquer the top of the world, live and do not worry. Enjoy what you have. It is possible that your dream has already come true. Improve your present. Rejoice in the opportunity to comfortably enter the future. And know that about 78 percent of people live like this. They rejoice, they are sad, they swear, they fight for justice, they get sick, they go to the sea every summer, they go to the country every weekend ... They invest their experience in children, and the children, modernizing according to the time, pass it on to their grandchildren ... Sometimes they feel unhappy, sometimes happiness overwhelms them … Normal human life.

But if you are increasingly thinking that you live without dreams and ambitions, then you are here.

There are dreams. Only you don't see them. You hid your aspirations somewhere far and deep. What for? It's not always the same. So that they do not act on the nerves with their impracticability. In order not to feel like the last loser because you cannot achieve what you want. And someone because of fear stopped dreaming. Most often, this has been going on since childhood, when you told your closest people about your dreams, and they laughed at you or scolded you - it’s not about your honor to think about this. Or have you already tried to implement them, but every time you failed and burned yourself. Or you buried them alive because you didn't believe it was possible.

It happens quite the opposite. When from childhood you have your own executor of desires. You just think, and then bam - here it is, a dream on a plate. You realize that anything can be achieved if you snap your fingers. So why dream? If in such a situation you suddenly wonder why you don’t dream about it, then all is not lost, and the patient will live.

If you do not have a dream, but really want to, then you need to come up with it!

To begin with, remember what you fantasized about in childhood, when you were still pure and spontaneous, and not poisoned by vicissitudes. adulthood.

What did you love to do the most? What games did you play? What did you draw? What books did you read? What captured your head? If you're having a hard time, find someone to help you refresh your memories.

Write down everything you remember.

Rank your dreams.

Feel every point.

Listen to yourself.

What do you feel?

I'm sure your deepest dream will bring tears to your eyes.

Start acting. Sign up for a driving course, a dance class, a fitness club, swimming, find an art studio...

Start posting your photos on Instagram. Find out where there are cooking classes. Read educational and inspiring books. There is an opportunity - go to another country, see the world. It is possible that you will learn a lot about yourself far from your native shores. Travel around your country - that helps too. Anything! Everything that fills you with energy and interest in life.

Set yourself easy tasks at first, gradually complicating them. Achieving your goals will inspire you and lead you forward in pursuit of your dreams.

But if even after such a titanic work nothing happened, do not be upset and do not look for the truth in wine. It happens that the period aimless life you need it in order to relax, enjoy life itself, rethink it, rejoice that you are alive, healthy, with memory, and you only lack a dream.